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Personal Finance

4 tips to help couples keep on top of their finances during COVID-19

Set priorities, then longer-term goals, to help combat financial uncertainty, experts say

Man and woman looking over bills and laptop togetherWhen discussing finances during this pandemic, avoid criticism and be mindful of your partner’s stress triggers (Getty Images/PeopleImages)

Managing money together isn’t easy. Throw in a pandemic and all sorts of stressful triggers come at you and your partner, thwarting financial harmony.

Job loss, reduced incomes, remote work struggles, homeschooling woes, close-quartered isolation, not to mention general pandemic panic, make difficult financial conversations more challenging. 

Here are four tips for staying on top of your finances during COVID-19, whether you’ve recently moved in together, are common-law or married. 

1) PLAN A CONVERSATION

Before nosediving into numbers, let each other know that you want to talk finances, and plan your discussion from there, advises professional matchmaker Carmelia Ray

“Plan a conversation when you’re both calm … not heated and or in the middle of an argument,” she says. 

Determine what it is you will or need to talk about, Ray adds. For example, is extra financial support required due to lost income or do expenses need to be curbed because of excess spending? 

“How you approach [your partner] about finances depends on the context,” she says. “There needs to be transparency between you as you contribute your concerns and address them.” 

Be mindful of where you are starting from, adds CPA Michael Deepwell, principal of Lamp Financial Inc. Acknowledge that we are in a pandemic with those added triggers. Translate that into compassion and empathy in your conversations. 

“We’re not living in a normal time. Realize that is stressful,” he says. “There’s low coping, [particularly when] not eating or sleeping well. All of that has an impact on our decision and functioning capabilities.”

In other words, reminds Ray, leave the criticism at the door. Ask yourself: “Are you belittling [your partner]? Are you speaking to them in a way that makes them feel unmotivated to do anything because you’re so angry about it?” 

2) COMMUNICATE OPENLY

Being upfront and honest about your financial situation is essential in coupledom no matter what the circumstance, experts agree. 

For those new to cohabitating who are  working out how to manage money together, this means laying out each other’s full financial landscape and making decisions from there. 

For those living together longer term with an existing shared financial plan, this means communicating any changes incurred due to the pandemic be it income, expense or spending related. 

CPA Canada’s book—Love and Money—Conversations to Have Before You Get Married, by CPA Wallace M. Howick—takes financial transparency a step further. According to the author, mapping out a united financial plan requires deeper analysis with each person, not only outlaying their income versus debt versus savings, but also presenting their individual financial mindset, stemming back to childhood. 

“We all carry a set of beliefs and attitudes about money,” says Doretta Thompson, CPA Canada’s financial literacy leader. “Often, they were formed in childhood, absorbed from our family situations and have never been critically examined. That is why it’s important to understand and to share what each of you feels and why. Mutual understanding provides an important foundation for respectful conversations about setting money goals and dealing with money challenges.” 

Ray agrees, adding that before settling into a serious relationship, you need to assess your financial commonalities and differences right down to simple things, including where you like to dine out, shop and vacation. 

“Being at odds about how money is valued and treated is going to be a sore spot in your relationship,” she says. “How you manage finances is a key life value that determines long-term happiness.” 

3) STRATEGIZE, PRIORITIZE AND ALIGN DECISIONS

For many of us, looking longer-term at our financial situation seems futile right now, particularly if there’s uncertainty about how lost income will be replenished or when business will resume

Deepwell, however, recommends couples strategize and prioritize their financial decisions based on where they are now and how they see themselves down the line. 

“Whatever the decision is, try to put yourself in the future and say, looking back, what would my ‘future self’ tell me?” he says. 

Deal with the daily or monthly essentials—such as mortgage and rent payments, groceries and other household bills—and map out any future goals—such as savings and investment plans—from there, he advises, even if they have to be adjusted later on. This is also the time, he adds, when you can adjust (or create) your budget, map out needs versus wants, put spending restrictions in place, all agreed upon together.

“It starts with aligning your priorities, goals and plans. Can we support the decision with the income and expenses we have right now? If not, what are we going to do to change that?” he says. “They’re called priorities for a reason because we can’t do everything.”

“If debt is a concern, it’s particularly important to strategize how you will work together to reduce it while living within your means to avoid accumulating more,” adds Thompson. [Listen to the CPA Canada’s Dealing with debt in a crisis podcast for solutions to combat financial hardships.]

4) SHIFT YOUR PERSPECTIVE

Despite the uncertain economic outlook, there is often a silver lining amidst hardship if you seek it out, says Deepwell.

As we juggle good and bad days, try to find a way out of survival mode, he advises. Is there a new learning opportunity, skill you can develop or project to take off the back burner? Make it a joint venture with your partner and inspire each other. Or maybe, it’s simply recognizing the gift of spending more time with your kids

“It’s difficult to make that mindset shift, but I think it’s important to say ‘Yes, this is a threat, but I’m going to be able to turn it into an opportunity’,” says Deepwell.

Lastly, says Ray, if you find you and your partner have met a financial outlook roadblock, it’s time to seek help be that through a reputable financial expert, relationship counsellor or both. But, remember, she says, that this pandemic stress is temporary. Check in with yourself, recognize what you are bringing to the discussion, and adjust from there. 

“Have you tried and exhausted every resource of help, while making sure that your communication is landing with your partner?” she questions.   

“If a recurring problem persists and you find that you are feeling helpless…that’s when it’s time to call to ask for help. There isn’t a solution except to communicate.” 

FINANCIAL GUIDANCE FOR COUPLES

For more advice on how to navigate your finances as a couple, read CPA Canada’s new book, Love and Money—Conversations to Have Before You Get Married, which provides clear, practical steps for getting monetarily on track together. If you’re planning on starting a family, look to CPA Canada’s Babie$: The Real Story of How Much They Cost for tips on budgeting and planning for those unexpected costs. And for support during COVID-19, consult the financial literacy resources to help manage your money.